Thursday 11 February 2010

Advice

I've only ever received two pieces of advice regarding relationships, one apiece, from the two members of my family that I'm closest to, and who I respect without regard;

"Don't compare men to your father, because they'll never live up to your expectations" - this was from my Grandma, my beloved fathers' mother. She knew I doted on him, and I still do so I took her advice and have never looked back. I wonder what she would say to me now that I've met someone who I've never compared to my father, but who is uncannily similar?

"Never go back: what broke you up the first time, will break you up a second" - this was from my beloved father who has poor choice in women and I think has now learnt his lesson. I've always half heartily agreed with him, but deep down I understand. This may well be what is contributing to my uncharacteristic inability to call things off with the Magician. If I walk away now, is that it, have i been too hasty, will I regret it, it is the right decision?

For all of the pearls of wisdom my friends have imparted upon me over the years, these two stand above them all. I don't compare him to my father, but he's so very much like him I almost can't bear it. I don't want to break up with him because I know as we continue to bounce off of each other, the same issues will arise all over again. I can hear the death knell tolling ....

5 comments:

  1. You seem to be in a difficult place to make a decision. So I wonder. Is the magician having feelings for you that you do not return and you do not want to lead him on? Does he want to be in the relationship while you feel part of you wants to get out?

    My hope would be that you find a way to be honest. Even when it is difficult, just be honest. He can't fault you for being honest, and most especially, you can't either.

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  2. It's funny isn't it? As the saying goes, you will look for a man who is like your father... With this in mind, i've often looked at Lewis (my husband) and wondered if this is how my father was (i didn't grow up with my real father and didn't meat my real father until the age of 18 and only saw him about 5 times or so there after before i left Germany for America and he has died shortly there after)... I did have a step father, however, and Lewis is nothing like him... so i wonder how much truth this saying really holds, or if that saying came out of coincidences... As for you, i wish you the best in figuring out what to do with Mr. Magic... break-ups more often than not leave behind a lot of questions... ~sigh

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  3. Steel, you are uncharacteristically off on your assessment - it's the opposite way around. I think that I have feelings for him that are not reciprocated in their entireity, and that it's not me who really wants to get out ...

    ... as for honesty, that goes without saying.

    LHC xx

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  4. Liane,

    Thank you. And yes, I agree, who knows what you look for but if, like me, you've had a strong presence of someone in your life, it's the influence of that person that you can't help but be guided by.

    And yes, break ups do tend to lead to more questions ...

    LHC xx

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  5. hi i won't pretend to understand everything but for me it works to convince myself at the start that the decision i take is the right one at the time ... i know that sounds trivial but it does wonders for the self doubt and its pretty efficient - but then thats my other problem - too much efficiency :(

    sorry no worthwhile advice

    Vincent

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