In Denial

For a while now I've been trying to recall the best sex I've ever had. This is purposeful twofold; firstly it passes the time of day as and when required, and secondly, I'm so blown away by my current lover I can't quite accept it's the best I've ever had. What makes sex great, or should I ask what makes great sex?

A close friend once informed me that having sex with someone you love was such an amazing experience it was incomparable to that which you would have from casual sex. I have always disagreed with that, in part because she only had experience of the loving kind, but also because, well, to be perfectly honest I consider it a silly statement. Sex in a loving relationship is only good if you want it, they want it, and it all works nicely in tandem.

Casual sex is great, but always on the premise that it's great because that's what you want. Take Mr Green, who I saw on and off for a year or so - our relationship was not strictly monogamous, nor committed on a full time basis - he was lovely but had issues with not being good enough for me (oddly in a social standing kind of way, not a sexual one) which ultimately was our downfall. There was only room in that relationship for one self destructive neurotic, and that was me!! So on we go ...

Mr Green was challenging - emotionally, intellectually and physically - he was, and to some degree still is, someone special and absolutely brilliant in bed! The other most notable partner, Mr Marine (who surely deserves at least one dedicated post at a later date such is his deliciousness), was predominantly challenging physically, and fared pretty well on the other two fronts, though not in such an enjoyable way - but boy was he, and is he, hot hot hot!! The current Mr, a suitable moniker is still not yet forthcoming, blows them both out of the water in the most curious way.

Boundaries that I refuse to accept do not seem to exist with him which leaves us with a 'the world is our oyster' feeling. We move between loving and tender, to rough and intense, back the other way and then everything in between as easily as putting one foot in front of the other. The very thought of him is intoxicating, let alone when he is between my legs, but it goes beyond the act of sex alone, it covers ever interaction with him. The intensity of the connection we have on an intellectual and physical level, and I pause before adding an emotional level, leads to the most mind blowing sex I have ever had which I think neatly answers my question ... I do like it when that happens!!

The question that now follows, for me at least, is, given our scarily similar selves, is this a relationship built on narcissism? I think I have some reading to do before I consider that one fully ...