Fire ... bar .. Part II

Still no sleep, much like last weekend but at least then I'd had the tortuous pleasure of 12 delicious sleepless hours in bed with Him. Oh last weekend was wonderful - yet another development in our seemingly never-ending, and never-boring relationship.

I knew from the moment I met him that I'd like him. Actually, make that the second time - the first I don't really recall him but that was probably due to being attached to dowdy girlfriend, dulling his brilliance. The second time however she was absent and I was immediately taken with his wit, in particular the way he would make exactly the same joke or comment that I was about to make, a fraction of a second before me - irritating, yet fascinating. We sat up talking until the early hours of the morning, our host comically passed out at our feet, and as he walked me to my car I remember a wave of satisfaction passing over me as I said goodbye.

Two and a half years later and despite an excruciatingly slow start, he finally kissed me for the second time by which point I felt drunk in satisfaction... though that may also have been down to the G&T's I had consumed by that point ;-) I'd had the most wonderful day in London, pottering from pillar to post, taking in Anish Kapoor at the RA, Mozart in St Martins before settling in a luxurious leather sofa in the National Gallery, admiring my favourite Masterpiece, awaiting his arrival. It felt terribly dramatic, and as we walked down the darkened Mall, towards a floodlit Buckingham Palace, I wanted to take him in my arms, and pause to appreciate that first moment of physical closeness. We ambled along to a nice pub and settled down, alcohol lubricating the necessary progression of the evening which would take us from faux friends to eager lovers.

The anticipation had been building steadily for months, taking me through so many emotional journeys and moral quandaries through a mixture of drunken evenings, testy emails, wonderful emails, handwritten modern day love letters and delightfully calm and relaxing days spent watching cricket. It was delightful to extend this experience to one with a physical dimension; to awaken from my temporary slumber to find myself draped in the arms and legs of his near naked wonderness, to find that his kisses are tender as well as deeply masculine and to add insult to injury he is supremely skilled at just about everything you would want a man in his position to be. So why the disappointment?

I'm a fairly open minded kind of girl who believes honesty is the best policy and one should not court the man of another woman. I've sat back and observed as he has spun his magic around me all the while being unutterably tolerable of me, and he's fallen for my charms whilst I've endured him and all the challenges around him. We've had a night of near-bliss but I now fear the next step is going to be ugly as we try to outdo each other in the frustrating way that we must. I'd rather we bypassed the obligatory wretchedness and went straight to bed, for one thing he's very warm, like a self heating hot water bottle. I'd describe the more pertinent physical aspects of his loveliness, but as I recall them I find myself drifting to that spot of contentment which means I can finally go back to bed and catch up on some sleep ... so it will have to wait for another time.

Oh damn, as I edit this a simple text from him leaves me spellbound. Damn him and his magical powers.

Set fire to the third bar

What have I done? I can't sleep, I can't stay in bed, and I can't get him out of my head.

What did I do? I gave into temptation. Common sense temporarily disabled, I ensnared a man, lets call him 'Him' for now. A persistent, willing and eager man, who would argue he is unwilling to be ensnared by anyone, and certainly not by me, he was ensnared, and I let him ensnare me. The temptation is Him, pure and simply Him - the myth and the actual.

I can't sleep because I woke up too early courtesy of too much wine and a 5am bedtime. I can't stay in bed because I think of the last time he was in it, and right now, that makes me feel very sick indeed. And I can't get him out of my head because he is a delicious mix of addictive, curious, and awkward, with a very handsome backside thrown in for good measure.

I really should know better by now - the actual is never as good as the myth, I'm easily bored, and a nice smile will see me easily swayed. But with Him, the actual is proving to be better than the myth at every turn, and with fiercely high expectations I'm left mystified. He is something of an artist, adept at sidestepping the unspeakable whilst leading you almost unknowingly into the Garden of Eden. This morning however, I am disappointed; his magic has temporarily worn off which leaves me loathing him, cursing his existence, and occasionally deliberating effective ways to poke him with a stick.

In the meantime I find myself distracted with thoughts of an ex-lover, a certain Mr Green, which surprises me, as I normally wander back to the reliable Mr Marine. Set fire to the third bar - such a curious song. I don't understand it, perhaps I do in parts, but I like it a lot as it takes me off into a totally different place. This sounds an awful lot like my thoughts on Him...