In tradition of not looking back, I refuse to re-read anything I have already written. This may be to my detriment. Since my last entry my mind has been swung between cutting him out of life completely, and partially, and indeed continuing as we are .. so thus i am none the wiser.
I really don't know what to do. But I know that every time I sleep with him I feel a sense of, it's not quite guilt, or shame, but more disappointment. To spend time with him is an unexpected high, one which I am not aware of at the time, but when he leaves (as it's always him that leaves) it's as if my world falls to its knees.
There is now, of course, the knowledge that he is soon to spend two weeks visiting Her. Not something that is a surprise, or a disappointment, which in itself is a curious reaction.
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This is the very reason why I try my damn hardest not to get emotionally involved with any man I am fucking to the point that I push them away should I start to even remortely feel for them..
ReplyDeleteJealousy is a natural reaction - you are fully aware of HER but of course it is going to hurt and you are going to fel resentful when he is with her..
XOXO as always,
Wifey
I keep reminding myself that I started this to have these experiences, odd as that may sound to some, as I've never had them before. Difficult, and wonderful, as they are ...
ReplyDeleteLHC xx